Knowing doesn’t help

Each day I wake up different. Sometimes I’m high and sometimes I’m low. I can’t connect my state of mind to anything that’s happening outside, so it must be from the inside. Then, the way I feel in the morning is connected to my thoughts and the way I think.

Knowing this doesn’t really help, because my thoughts don’t seem to allow me any control over them. I have tried. When I try to control where my mind goes it seems to work for a while, but when the dam breaks they come with full force overwhelming me.

A constant state of anxiety is not a pretty thing to live with. Fear is useful when it has a purpose, when it tells you to run from a lion because it’s going to eat you. When you fear something that your mind created fear is not useful. It becomes itself a threat.

Many of us choose to make up scenarios based on nothing but stray thoughts. Thoughts that might have no real base to start with. With time we pile thought upon thought until fear becomes bigger than us. Most times we fear things that don’t affect us or things we can do nothing about. We use our energy worrying about them instead of trying to change the situation, the parts we can.  

I wish for salvation to fall down from the sky. Something I have to do nothing for that just makes everything better. I am smart enough to understand salvation is just an illusion. In real life, you are the only one responsible for how things are. I know many of you won’t agree with me. Half the time I don’t agree with myself.

The state we find ourselves at one moment doesn’t have to become the stencil of our whole life. We can, and we must change it if we find that is no longer in line with who we are.

The world moves on regardless of how we feel about it. It is our job to make the best of what we have in order to better ourselves each day.