Today I start upon a path I know nothing about. By now is not as scary as it used to be. No path I ever started was known to me.
All days start as paths we know nothing about. Maybe is better this way. What I’ve learned to be helpful is to trust you will manage. To do this you must take things as they come and not as you perceive them through the filters of your mind.
Each day is a lesson. Mostly the ones we don’t see as such. These days teach us the most. Unfortunately, we are not that open to the lessons.
Why is so hard to do what we want to do?
For me, it’s a constant tug between stopping and going forward. Will is not always available and when it is, it seems to never be enough. I’d like to say I know how to fix this, but I don’t.
I think I’m a bit crazy because all this second-guessing is only making me more determined to do what I’ve set out to do. Even so, making progress proves difficult at times. I trust myself and my decisions, but at the same time, I don’t. I know I can do the work, but I want to stop. It is good for me, but I’m running from it.
The way my mind works is tiring. That is why I have decided to push through anything that stands against me until I succeed or until I can push no more.
Lately, I talk to myself more than I talk to other peoples. I am under the impression this keeps me sane. Many things are happening in my life and debating every thought inside my mind helps make sense of everything.
I have realized I have no idea about anything I do. Not before I do it. I don’t think this state of things will ever change. I will find myself in situations I’ve never been, many times in my life.
Each time this will happen I will probably want to run away. I will let the panic pass and after that, I’ll do what I know to do. I will find solutions to move things in the right direction.
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