For the last few months, I’ve been trying to find my drive. I am in a state of stillness. I feel like I’m watching someone else’s life. I know what I have to do. I know it’s the best thing for me, but I still let days pass without acting.
I am aware I will make no progress if I don’t work for that, but it seems I have lost the will to pursue what matters to me. I have to decide on finishing what I start. I have to decide on putting in the work.
No matter how hard it is. I must discipline myself into doing the work every day, even if progress is slow. It still gets me closer to the results I pursue.
I can’t get my mind right. I am unable to focus on what I have to do. I know it’s important, I know I need to do it and still, I do nothing.
I see myself as a disciplined man, a smart man. That is why I can’t understand what is happening in my mind to makes me avoid important tasks in favor of anything else.
I need to clear my mind of the clutter, but it’s difficult when the world around me is breaking into pieces. It is hard to do when the people I care about suffer. My mind tells me one thing, while my heart tells another. As I’ve said, I know what I have to do, but I have to keep convincing myself to keep going. It is hard and it gets tiring.
The sun is going to light up the sky soon. Maybe when the light comes my doubts will leave me. I need clarity in my thinking and for that, I have to stop complaining. No one is going to come and do my work for me. It’s mine to do now. Like it or not.
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