Some things have a way of coming for you. You might hide and run from them. And for a while, it may seem it worked. But then, after some time, that same thing you run from comes in your path again.
Now you see it differently, and maybe don’t recognize it as the thing you run from a long time ago. Now you are ready for it and embrace it. It makes you feel good. Like it’s a part of you. A part that was lost.
I didn’t understand what my father was trying to do. He was preparing me for what life might throw at me to the best of his knowledge and abilities. I was so stubborn and full of rage that I never took the time to see what he was doing for me. He knew that in life come moments when you have no other choice but to stand. And you make a better stand when you are prepared.
So I ran away from what was trusted on me. I played my childish games. And for a while, it appeared to work. But now I find myself in a position I’ve been before. The cards are stack against me, but here I stand. And this time I’m not running anymore. If I have to bleed I’ll bleed.
As I stand in front of my biggest challenge the words of my father ring in my head “A strange thing about happiness is, it can’t be given, it must be earned. So all I can give you is knowledge if you are willing to take it”. I wasn’t willing to take it, but I learned anyway. And I’m glad for that.
I hope you can forgive me, father. Thank you for all you gave me, for all the lessons you thought to me. You are still giving me lessons, even if you’re gone from this world a long time ago. Besides my own, your voice is the loudest in my head. And most of the time gets me out of harm’s way.
But not this time. This time I stand on my own in front of my accusers. They have no crime to pin upon me. Oh, but they’ll surely try.
As I’m kept in this cell, waiting to see what comes of me, I know who I am. The boy is no longer here. A man is in his place. A man so clear about what has to be done, that fear has gone away. There’s only clarity beyond doubt.
The night is almost over. Sleep escaped me, but I relish in newfound clarity. I welcome the morning light with a calmness I never knew. May Mesa find me real and stand by my side. Because what is real can never die
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