Some mornings I wake up in a state of confusion, even though I had a good sleep. I feel like I’ve been physically working during the night. My body is all sore and my mind can’t focus on a single subject.
What keeps me functioning, and eventually pulls me out of this state, is my routine. My daily ritual acts as a guideline keeping me on the right track.
Once the day sets into a rhythm I am able to be myself again and I am calm enough to analyze how the day started for me. Based on this I can learn and make adjustments, so next time I feel the same I am better prepared to get through it. This solution is less efficient in practice, but I do what I can to move forward.
As I stay in my chair my mind goes near and far, to places I don’t need to be in right now. I am unable to stop my thoughts and this drains my energy. I only need some degree of control so I can get some rest. I’m longing for good sleep and time of my own, but at the same time, I’m afraid to be alone in my mind.
The only way I can silence part of my thoughts is to keep me busy with doing something useful, something I want. As long as my mind is busy working on a task, I am protected from the constant struggle to keep my sanity. While I keep my mind on what I’m doing now, it’s all good.
Days blur together in a long stretch of time that has no end and no beginning. This state of facts puts pressure on the human mind.
I wake up ready to take on the day and then I remember I’m not going anywhere. I only move from one room to another and then I start working. Working gives me a break from constantly thinking about the situation. I work for my job and then I work for myself in the hope I’ll be able to rest my mind for a while.
It doesn’t work the way I want it. Work only numbs my toughs. Once it’s over they start coming at me fast. By night time I have no energy and sleep comes as a relief from the noise.
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