I am searching for something. I am trying to find the thread of this story. It all started as a dare. It has now become something that brings me pleasure. The more time I put in the better it feels when I’m finished. It has become part of me.
By now the story has grown, but it has no clear direction. I have tried to avoid the work required to organize my story. The truth is, I have to do the work. It is the only way to start moving again and bring me closer to finishing. I hope the story will speak to me, as it did every time I was in doubt. I hope it will lead me to the end.
I thought what I’ve started is going to be easy. I was wrong. It is a hard thing to do. It takes every bit of willpower I have. Will power I didn’t have so much, to begin with.
There are days when I feel I have no more energy inside. At day’s end, I am depleted of every bit of life force that flew through me. I sit down to put thoughts on paper and to make sense of tangled words. By the time I finish the words are as tangled as before.
I must find a way to assemble the small pieces I have into a real story. A story I can call my own. A story that speaks true and clear to people.
When will it be done?
At this pace, is going to take a long time. When I’ve started this I thought it will be easy. I will do it in no time. Two years have passed from the moment I’ve written my first word. Since then, many words made their way to the page and many more were lost.
The time has come for me to put all of the words that came to me in a story. It is time to give my words life. I have been selfish, considering only how I feel and how hard it is to make sense of everything going on in my head.
It is time I think of all the people that need to read my story. Even if I write my story for a single person, a person that needs to hear what I say, then I have a duty to finish my work.
Once more I will find my rhythm and start making progress. I will put in the necessary work until the end of my days. I shall finish everything I have started and everything I will ever start. It is not only about me. It is about all of us. It’s about helping one another.
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