At times, peace comes over me. I see the world from a different perspective. I see all that’s happening around me, but I don’t judge. I am a spectator and at the same time a player. I feel distant from everything and at the same time, I am right here.
It’s hard to explain, but it’s a good feeling. And it leaves me calm and refreshed. It reminds me that no matter what happens I can always look at things with fresh eyes. Retaining my judgments allows me to better understand what’s in front of my eyes and inside my mind.
Sometimes I try to cherish these moments of peace, but it never works. They only last enough for me to feel the ground under my feet again. Then, they’re gone again and I find myself in the midst of it all.
Who am I?
This is a question we all have to ask ourselves at some point in life. Once we do it, we expect an answer. But the answer is never only one thing.
Every time we ask this question, we get glimpses of who we are. We receive bits and pieces of the true answer. These pieces need to be collected and over time they start to form a picture of who you are.
Once the puzzle has enough pieces you will be able to see parts you knew were there and parts you don’t want there. Everything that shows up in that image is you. Even the parts you don’t want to accept are still you.
Please pay attention and collect these pieces to form an answer to the question we started with. Life gets clearer once we know who we are. Clearer, not easier.
Will this struggle inside ever end? I don’t believe so, but it’s not entirely a bad thing.
Of course, is not easy to be fighting yourself for every decision you need to make. At the same time, being forced to analyze both sides of any subject makes you pay attention to all details.
Paying attention to details and understanding both sides of a problem is the good coming out of the struggle inside. Over time I have noticed that my decisions involve less anxiety and I am able to trust myself easier.
I believe the mind is like a good sword, it needs to go through the struggle of forging before it hardness, and it needs to endure the hits of the hammer before it finds its shape. Only after all that and after losing parts of it in the grinding, only then it’s a blade that can cut.
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