Return to discipline

I have convinced myself that time is the reason I haven’t finished this project. That is not true. It’s just a lie I choose to tell myself instead of doing the work. Now, that I have accepted the truth, I hope I will be able to do the work and make progress. I am exercising my “discipline muscles” in the hope this will help me stick to finishing my book. It’s something I have to do.

A single line is better than no line, but it’s frustrating when that line is all that comes out. I feel like I’m cheating on the craft that I’m trying to master. From how it started I expected it to be easier. I expected to be more efficient. It’s not the case.

Lately, I find many excuses to avoid writing to complete my story. I find things to draw me away from what I know I should do. Afterward, I feel bad. It is hard to understand myself when I act like this. I don’t know what I’m afraid of.

All this time I’ve been trying to run away I don’t even know why. Running never does any good. It just postpones things. I want to say that from now on I’ll do everything the way I planned, but I don’t know. I am in search of discipline and I don’t always find it. No day is like the other so I don’t know how today will be, nor tomorrow, but I promise to do my best regardless of the day.

Day by day I’m forced to understand that I will never be able to outrun my responsibilities. I have tried to do so for some time, but they keep catching up with me. I must turn back to discipline. It’s the only thing that can make everything easier, even if doesn’t look like it in the beginning. I need to establish a routine, to set a schedule. This way I will have guidelines when I’m tempted to go off stray. I understand that sometimes I have to force myself into doing what I need to do or it will never get done. The routine helps. As long as I stick to it. This is the real struggle.