Life has changed

Life has changed a lot in the last year for me. I’ve been living with only my thoughts for many hours each day. The first few months were fine and provided time to reconnect with me. After this period, having only my thoughts for company proved to be harder to handle than expected.

My mind and my thoughts don’t always have my best interest as a target, they rather want to keep me where is comfortable. What my mind considers comfortable, proves to be bad for me, sometimes.

This was a discovery for me because I believed my thoughts to always work in my favor. Now that I know it’s not like that, I must pay more attention to which thoughts I allow to influence my actions.

Another discovery was to find that my mind is home to more than one character. Each of them with its own opinions and ideas. This makes it a lot harder for me to understand what I need to be doing when they argue inside my head. They all come up with compelling arguments, but I need to choose wisely because they don’t all mean well.

Having more than one voice speaking to me is not all bad. It forces me to analyze everything from more than one angle. This translates into better decisions.

I can manage this new way of being most of the time, but it takes a toll on my energy. Lately, all I want to do is sleep, but at the same time, I don’t want to sleep too much because it feels like there’s no time left for me. I wish I could wake up eager for everything that’s coming in the day.

For now, it doesn’t happen like this, so I try to change my perspective on events while going through them. It’s not an effective approach. The things I do are not the things I want to do. I understand that it’s not possible to do only what I want, but I need more time to replenish my energy, enough so I can enjoy the things I want to do.

To pursue what speaks to my soul, I need to decide what is important and let everything else aside. This is a scary process because I have no idea how to manage if what I decide is wrong. Even so, I have no other choice than to trust what I feel in my heart. Based on that, I choose the new direction to move in. I have nothing else to base my decision on.

We all reach a point in life when the old way of doing things it’s not working anymore. This is the time to start over and step into a life we can embrace. None of us know if the choices we make are right, but we still need to make them. Making decisions is the most important part, even if they’re not the best.

These days, many of us try to avoid making choices for as long as possible. We do this because we have forgotten to take responsibility in life. And making choices implies being responsible for the consequences of those choices. There is no choice without risk, so stop trying to avoid it if you don’t want life to choose for you. It might not be the choice you want.