I don’t know how to go about this. Every version I think of seems to take me to a place I don’t want to be in. It’s like days are all the same.
I feel like during the day I build my castle on the sand and at night, the wind and sea take it apart. And with the last pieces of what was my castle, the wind and the sea take my dreams and desires.
I sense darkness lurking at the boundaries of my mind. It’s fed by this empty feeling I have. A feeling I can’t get rid of. This darkness is testing me from time to time, trying to shadow my mind more and more. Most times I am able to keep it at bay, but there are moments when I feel like giving in and letting my mind be conquered.
The main thing keeping me sane is fear. Fear that by giving up my mind, there will be nothing to stop the emptiness in my soul.
So here I am moving through each day, hoping I do things right. It’s a struggle. It always has been a struggle. Even when it’s easier it’s still a struggle. A struggle to remain sane while everyone else thinks you are crazy for trying to do the right thing.
I don’t know what will come out of what I do. I never had a map or a sign to point me in the right direction. My life is the result of trial and error. It’s not a very efficient way to go about it, but it’s the only way I know. Thank God I’ve learned some things along the way, at least I hope I did.
Probably I’ll never know how to do things before I do them. So, instead of staying here, mellowing in my own pity, I should do what needs to be done. It will be the right way to go about it or it will not, but it needs to be done.
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