What do you see?

What do you see when you look at the person in front of you? Do you see who that person is or do you see who you want that person to be? I can confidently say that you see what you want to see. Well, here is where the problems start because the other person does the same.

We all see people only as we want to see them because seeing them for who they are takes a lot of effort. Even worse, it requires that we show who we really are. In the end, it is your decision what you see in the people you meet, but it is not fair to judge them through the image you have created of who they are.

We no longer take the time to know the people we meet. We prefer to pick a few pieces and then fill in the blanks with what we believe should be there, even if what we put in has nothing to do with the real person. Later, when a person does something, in line with who they are, we take it as a personal offense because it does not match how we think that person should act.

Wouldn’t be easier, for everybody, to stop presuming that we know how people are, and just let them be? A better way is to go on living our lives and let others do the same, allowing close to us only the people that act in line with who we think we are.

To do this, you must first understand that every person will have something you don’t like, so you need to be sure that you can accept the bad with the good, for the people you allow to get close.

Why are we so afraid to be in relationships? The short answer is that we don’t know what it means. When you decide to share your life with someone, even for a little while, you must understand that there will be work involved. It is not fair to expect that all the benefits will be for you.

For a real connection to be formed, you will need to give up parts of yourself. This needs to happen voluntarily because otherwise, it will create the opposite effect. Relationships always start with two people that have some things in common, but they are also different.

The common things will create the nucleus of the new entity created by two people, while the ways in which they are different are meant to force each other to grow. Work never stops in a healthy relationship, because like any living thing, it needs care and attention to grow, from both parties involved.

The one real reason for two people to spend their time together, sharing the good and the bad, is that by sharing a life each of the persons involved becomes better. By being there for someone else, especially in the hard times, you are forced to learn new things about yourself, and this leads to growth.

So, the main purpose of a healthy relationship is to force people to evolve by finding strength in being together.