How can I escape this state of confusion? How do I choose where to go next?
The only certainty is, I don’t want to be here anymore. I grew sick of the way things never change. The more I stay here the more I lose myself.
Staying here makes me believe the lies I tell about who I am. I don’t want to do that. I know what my true value is and I can’t allow this place to change my beliefs for the worst. Since I came here, I have stopped learning. It is like running in a circle. The same circle every day.
I haven’t left because I don’t see which way to go, or maybe because I got comfortable. There are no surprises anymore. I still do my best, but I get no pleasure doing it. It’s just something that needs to be done. I need more than this. I need something to make my heart beat, something to get me out of bed in the morning.
If I want to get somewhere that is right for me, I must first leave here. But I can’t do that before my mind gets clear on where I need to go next.
Finally, I manage to escape the place which kept me trapped. I make slow progress but still progress. With each step, I feel strength flowing through my body. Never believed thoughts can be so dangerous. I have been pinned down by my own mind.
I try not to blame anyone else for my mistakes and the situation I’m in. This is the right way to go about things, but it means I am at fault and this is hard to accept. Once I was able to accept I am the one who put me in a hard situation, it was clear that is my responsibility to get myself out.
Accepting my life is my responsibility is a hard thing to do, but it provides a kind of clarity and freedom I have never experienced. At the same time, it allows me to move past whatever is holding me back, and grow.
Whatever I want is already mine. All it takes is some time, a lot of work, sweat, blood, and everything I am. Easy, isn’t it?
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