About purpose

What is the purpose? What is our purpose?

I believe we can never know for sure. What I did to stop from going crazy trying to answer this question was to build my own answers. I have decided I am whatever I say I am. This means I am now responsible for where I am and where I’m going in this life. I am not allowed to blame anyone if things don’t turn out my way.

Many of us are afraid to take this path and we keep walking the same trails we always did only because it allows us to put the responsibility on anyone else but ourselves. Doing things the same way, over and over, leaves no room for new things, for growth, but it makes room for dark thoughts, resentment, and frustration. 

For any of us to move forward in life we need to grow, we need to change. Otherwise, we will reach the end of this life having never tasted it and that would be sad.

I wonder if there is still time to fulfill my purpose. My first instinct is to say no, mainly because I don’t have a clear idea of what my purpose is, and second, I find I’m sabotaging myself lately.

I do any other thing except what I need to do. I feel this postpones responsibility, that it provides a level of control. In truth, it does exactly the opposite. It forces me into a corner with less time to solve things. Knowing this, I still act the same and I can’t understand why I do so.

Fighting myself on any decision becomes tiring and running from making the right choice allows me a few moments of peace. But these moments of peace are only an illusion. I feel a lot better when I’m making progress than when I’m running away.

I know is not my choice how life unfolds, but it doesn’t stop me from hoping I have some degree of control.