Trying to keep up

Changing my ways proves more difficult I believed it to be. I know what I want, I kind of know what I need to get it, but I am not doing it. Each day I try to convince myself to keep the schedule I’ve established with no success. If there’s a small chance to do anything else I’ll take it.

I am aware I can’t make progress without making progress. There is no fairy coming to write my story. I owe myself to see this book finished. I need to prove to myself I can do it. I want my words to touch minds and change lives, but can’t be if I don’t set them free into the world. For that to happen I have to see the end of my story first.

I find my supply of discipline quickly diminishing. For now, I am not able to replenish it as fast as it goes out.

I remember that only a few years ago discipline was something I had and that could be felt in my life. I feel the lack of discipline in my life makes everything harder.

I manage to move forward with my projects because I know I can. I did it before. Without discipline the pace I move at is not at the level I want it.

My mind and my vision move much faster than real life can keep up and this is starting to frustrate me. Even though I know I am a big part of the problem, I still get mad. I do that instead of doing the work necessary for progress.

I am now deciding that as long as I don’t do the work I am not allowed to complain. I am the only one responsible for the pace of my progress. I am the one who must do the work. I am the one who must master will and discipline every day.

How can I be afraid when there is nothing to fear? My discipline is what helps me keep balance, but lately, I’m struggling to find some.

I act like a spoiled kid and find many ways to avoid things I have to do, things I want to do. It might sound fake, but I want to do them and I know they are good for me. I even feel good doing them. That is why I can’t explain my behavior.

For now, all I can promise is I’ll work on my discipline, be happy with the progress, as long as there is some. Hopefully, in time, it will add up to something. It is my life to live. My life to succeed or fail. But for any of them to happen I need to put in the work. No matter what, I have to put in the work. Day in, day out.