The state I’m in

Here I am again, trying to lay my thoughts on paper. This morning is not as easy as I would like it to be. My mind is full to the brim, but if I try to take something out it flies away before reaching the page.

Now I’m left with talking about the state I’m in, and it’s not a pretty subject. I am agitated, a lot more than I should be. My days are going fine, but I constantly feel like I am carrying something on my back, something that drains my energy.

I try to push through this each day, but I’m not efficient. I have moments when I want to do nothing. I know is not the right way to go, but I am tired. I’m tired of constantly fighting. I need some rest. I am here every day. This should count for something. I am scared, confused, but still present.

From this day I need to promise myself that I will always see past the situation I’m caught in. In the last months, I have been fixed on what is not working in my life and it’s not fair to me and the people around me. Because of this biased view, I might have missed many opportunities to make things better.

For the situation to change I need to change the way I view life. This is not easy to do, especially when I know no other way than what I have always done.

I love my life, but sometimes I forget this and concentrate only on the current moment. This moment is not permanent, it’s subject to change. Everything is subject to change and this is a good thing. It allows us to change, to evolve, to reach our purpose.