Strange experience

I am confused by the way I feel right now about some aspects of my life. I am anxious about this new day because I am afraid of what it might bring. I am sure I will survive it, but this doesn’t stop me from wasting my energy worrying.

I fantasize about a world where each of us is able to do what is right for him or her, and wherein every relationship, be it business, friendship, love, or any other, all parties have something to win. In this kind of world, we could all just live life without worries and without masks, being only who we are, and nothing else.

For now, I am living in the real world and all I can do to keep my sanity is to act as I see fit, with no concern about how I will be judged.

In my life, I should be the only one making the choices, and all my choices are good as long as they don’t hurt anyone. I’m not talking about hurting a person’s feelings, or not meeting their expectations, I am talking about not hurting them physically.

Driving on a road that I don’t know where it goes is how I feel lately. And even if I don’t know where I’m going, I see no exit to take. I have been everywhere that’s familiar and it did me no good. Now it’s time to try the unknown.

The whole experience is strange to me because, I am afraid all the time, but at the same time I am confident that I will be alright. That is why I act through my fear and make choices based on what I know. They might not be the best, but they are the best at the moment.

My next step is as unsure as the last, but each of them moves me forward, and, looking back, there’s a lot of distance I have already covered. The person I am now is different from the one that started this journey, better, I like to believe. This does not mean my work is finished, it only means I made some choices along the way.

For years, I moved through a thick mist, trying to find solid ground, hoping I can build on that. All that I managed was to catch my breath, and I was lost again. I’m not planning on ever giving up on building the life I know to be mine.

Even when things won’t go my way, I trust it is for the best and I try to focus on the lesson. My view on life might seem naive, but it’s something that has worked for me, and it allowed me to stay sane.

Each of us has our own battles, and we need to find solutions that can help us. If they work, then they are good, regardless of how they are seen from the outside.