Pushed in the right direction

So many questions in my head and so few answers. Day out and day in, my mind is overwhelmed by all these questions. At times, all I do is sit and listen to what goes on in my mind. It’s like having to bargain for every decision I have to make.

All decisions I make are aimed towards some kind of progress. Progress in finding a purpose. The trouble is, I know not what I’m looking for. Until now I only glimpsed parts of what I’m searching for, though I might have imagined it all.

The questions keep coming, no matter if I call for them or not. From time to time, I want to run from all there is. To go someplace, away from the world. I can’t outrun myself, though. All that troubles me it’s inside and there’s nowhere I can hide.

I feel drained by all this. I’m pushing and pushing and nothing gives. In these moments I am an inch from giving up. I don’t know. My mind can’t be fully trusted. I have no idea when I last got some sleep. I’m trying to make it work, but I feel drained. Is like all I do is in vain. Any way I choose to do things, I find myself in the same place. I feel I haven’t been given a choice, it was more of a push towards the choice that needed to be.

I wish I had a map or some instructions about how to go about life. Unfortunately, there’s no such thing. And maybe it’s for the best. I’d rather take an unknown path than a boring one.

What is left for me now is to do what I do every day, make my choices to the best of my abilities, and trust in what I choose.  It doesn’t always work as I meant it, but it always works for the best. That is why, regardless of what comes my way or the thoughts in my head, I have to go until I succeed or until I am no more.