So many questions in my head and so few answers. Day out and day in, my mind is overwhelmed by all these questions. At times, all I do is sit and listen to what goes on in my mind. It’s like having to bargain for every decision I have to make.
All decisions I make are aimed towards some kind of progress. Progress in finding a purpose. The trouble is, I know not what I’m looking for. Until now I only glimpsed parts of what I’m searching for, though I might have imagined it all.
The questions keep coming, no matter if I call for them or not. From time to time, I want to run from all there is. To go someplace, away from the world. I can’t outrun myself, though. All that troubles me it’s inside and there’s nowhere I can hide.
I feel drained by all this. I’m pushing and pushing and nothing gives. In these moments I am an inch from giving up. I don’t know. My mind can’t be fully trusted. I have no idea when I last got some sleep. I’m trying to make it work, but I feel drained. Is like all I do is in vain. Any way I choose to do things, I find myself in the same place. I feel I haven’t been given a choice, it was more of a push towards the choice that needed to be.
I wish I had a map or some instructions about how to go about life. Unfortunately, there’s no such thing. And maybe it’s for the best. I’d rather take an unknown path than a boring one.
What is left for me now is to do what I do every day, make my choices to the best of my abilities, and trust in what I choose. It doesn’t always work as I meant it, but it always works for the best. That is why, regardless of what comes my way or the thoughts in my head, I have to go until I succeed or until I am no more.
If something you read helped, please consider donating