Pinned to my seat

I remain pinned to my seat for the time being, but my mind is no longer here. I have been on autopilot for a while now. So long that I don’t know how to get back to this current moment, or maybe I just don’t want to get back.

My life can’t take place in the past, nor in the future, so, I have to find a way to make the present work. I find this difficult to do because I am not in a good place at this time. Where I am now, feels like a trap, but it can’t be a trap if it happened of my own accord, can it?

So, if I agreed to be here it means that I can also get myself out of this situation and move into something better. It is difficult for me to accept that I am to blame for where I find myself at this moment because this means it is on me to change things.

I am afraid to change anything because I don’t know if I’m able to do something new. I can learn whatever I need to, given a long enough timeline, but in the real life people are not allowed enough time to learn, so, I am forced to take the world head on, and trust that what I know is enough for a new start.

I don’t know how this new start looks but I am sure it has to be different from my current way because I need to find more of myself in what I’m doing.

Is it wrong to run from responsibility sometimes? Even when the amount of responsibilities doesn’t allow any space for creativity? I don’t mind doing the work and take the responsibility for all that I do, but I’m only human, and from time to time it becomes too much to handle.

When I get overwhelmed, to manage, I try to focus only on what I’m doing right now and disregard everything else. I don’t always succeed, but when I do, my mind works on a single thing and it’s more efficient.

Many times, we try to take care of everything on our plate, and we fail to see that we are more productive when focusing on a single target. We have been led to believe that being efficient means doing many things at the same time when the truth is that a few things done correctly can take you further than many things done poorly.

When there’s pressure on you, it is hard to think clearly and see the utility of only working on one thing until it is finished. With exercise, it becomes easier, but you need to be willing to exercise. What helps with reducing the pressure is to understand that you are the one that should evaluate your performance.

It is a lot easier to please a single person, you, than to please everyone that you come in contact with. You can be only as good as you allow yourself to be, but being better does not mean you try to do everything at once. It means you tackle one obstacle at a time.