My compass

There’s a weight on my back that I don’t know how to get rid of. Lately is getting heavier, to the point I no longer believe I will ever be free from it. All my worries and ill thoughts have glued together to form something physical that I can’t escape from right now. I can feel them entering all aspects of my life, and I don’t like it.

I need to calm down and concentrate on what is in front of me instead of what I think is there. This is not such an easy task to do in real life because I’m afraid. I do my best to do things I don’t know how to do, with insufficient information. It’s not the best way to go about this, but it’s all I have right now.

I would like to have more than a clue about the direction I should be heading in, and what is the best way to get there, but there’s no guidance. I am responsible for all my decisions in this matter and in all other matters. So, if I want to reach my target, it is all in my power.

Why have I started to see what doesn’t work instead of what works? The pressure around is starting to take its toll on me. Most of the time I manage to keep my calm, but lately, I am easily irritable and my anxiety is at an all time high. I feel trapped and every way I have tried to modify my situation proved inefficient. I am running out of ideas and it frightens me.

I always believed things fall into place when it’s their time, but right now my patience is depleting and it seems things will never change. I know this is not true, but for the moment I am forcing myself to see past everything that is not working now. A few months ago I was able to do this with no effort.

The point I want to make is that I must not let my situation modify my core beliefs because then I’ll be completely lost. My beliefs are my compass and they will get me through this. I am sure of this, but I don’t know for how long I can hold on.