Mess in my mind

My mind is filled with worries. I don’t like the way it makes me feel. It’s like a burden on my back that grows constantly and I can’t put it down.

All the “what ifs”, “maybes” and “I should do this” have combined together to form a boulder big enough to crush me.

This situation is tiring for both body and mind. My sleep is not good. My body hurts all over when I wake up. Thoughts attack from the moment I open my eyes.

I don’t seem to be able to choose the direction my thoughts gol and it frightens me. I should have a say in deciding where my mind goes.

For the worries to scatter and me to find balance I need to trust the flow of life to take me to where I need to go. My mind will find peace if I can understand that I will reach every place I need to. All that is need it is faith and patience.

It’s always hard to sort the mess in my mind. All this thoughts coming at me from everywhere. Different sides of me arguing with each other. Sometimes I feel close to going crazy. Or maybe I’m already crazy.

I crave moments of peace only to find myself running from them when they arrive. I crave change, but I’m scared of it. I want to help the people around  me, when I can’t even help myself. I love people, but I treasure my time alone.

I pray  every night for clarity and for strength to do what must be done even when I don’t feel like it.

Who am I? Because the image is starting to become blurry and I can hardly see the man I thought I was.