A strong feeling

I have a strong feeling that my future will bring everything I want and everything I need. I had this feeling for a long time. I don’t know if this makes me an optimist or just crazy, probably a little bit of both.

I must be crazy for constantly seeing past my current reality and keep seeing things even when they have not become real for a long time. Maybe this kind of crazy is not that bad. For me, it acts as a guiding light that pulls me forward when I lose my way.

I am sure I will reach in my life those places I see in my mind. Except for isolated moments of doubt, I know I will obtain in life all that I need and all that I want. Even if somehow it won’t happen I am grateful for having this kind of vision of life because it offers me clarity that is priceless in this confusing world.

Am I correct in the assessment I make of myself? Probably not, but no one else has all the facts, so it will have to do. The reality of my situation is not something I have control over, but it does not mean I don’t try to change it. My approach has proved to be inefficient to this point, and I have run out of ideas.

This state of mind I dwell in makes me unresponsive to everything that surrounds me. I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to do anything. My mind calms down for a while, only when I sit still and do nothing.

Doing nothing is not an option in life, so I try my best to work on my constant need for rest. The responsibilities I have can’t be canceled or postponed, so I do the work even if all I want to do is stop.

Not putting my all into the things I do further feeds my unease. My lack of interest is not natural. It is caused by the fact that I don’t see myself as the person to do these things. What are my choices when they still need to be done?

The lack of options that I am facing is created by the fact that I don’t accept the options I have. They are not bad, but they no longer mean something to the person I have become. My only solution seems to be pushing through all that I don’t want until l get to what I do want. I don’t know if it’s a good strategy, but it’s the only one I know how to apply.