The pain dimmed down

The pain dimmed down. It’s still there, but it’s no longer the only thing I feel. When I lost you I didn’t know what to do. You were always the one to show me the way. Now I have to face the pain and at the same time be the one to lead, with no guidance but my own. How will I manage to do that?

I was angry at you for a while, like you had a choice in what happened. Still, I wanted you to be here. There are a lot of things happening and I don’t know what to do about them. I guess now it’s the time for me to prove my worth. You always told me moments like this will come, but I never had to face them without knowing you were there. I pray to Mosa I learned enough from you. Enough to make the right choices, though I know not what those choices are. It’s time for me to remember all the lessons you thought me. This is how I can keep you with me. I want you with me, even if only in my mind and heart. I promise I’ll do my best to take care of mother and Will. I’ll learn all I must learn so I can follow in your footprints and make you proud. At the same time, I need to tell you I want to live my own life. You told me this once and I now understand it.

I don’t know how will I manage to keep all things in check, but I will find a way. I will stand as a man, father! For as long as I live.