The struggle inside

Why is there a struggle inside?

I am tired of the confusion in my head. My thoughts are like a scattered herd of cattle that I’m unable to gather and move in the same direction. Doubt is always at my back, ready to jump forward every moment I start to be certain.

At times, this works in my favor because it helps me pay attention, but there are times I overthink it and doubt overpowers me. I learned to treasure clarity. It is helpful in any situation. It allows you to form a true image of reality. The trick is, it requires a lot of exercise and sometimes it means you have to go against your instincts. If you are willing to do that you will understand clarity is more valuable than gold.

Doubt has its purpose, but many times it stops you from going forward. Doubt is useful when it forces you to put in the balance the good and the bad of the decision to make. Otherwise, it becomes the focus of your attention and the energy that could’ve been used to make your decision and start on it is lost in vain.

I don’t know what makes us remain stuck in doubt, but I have met people that have been doubting every decision they made and now they are unable to make even the simplest of decisions without wasting a lot of time.

I agree that a rushed decision is just as bad as a decision you were in doubt about for a long time. Ideally, before deciding, you weigh the good and the bad and everything you consider important and then you act. Acting is key.

I don’t know what to do, but it’s ok. I trust my intuition to nudge me in the right direction. In the meantime, I’ll do how I always do, I will do what I know and hope that is for the best.

I pray to have enough patience to enjoy my life unfolding because at this moment I feel life is moving too slow. I am aware life moves at the right pace, but I still want things to move as fast as I imagine. All things have their set timelines and no amount of effort on my side can change that. I am forced to come at peace with this.

I’ll do what I know until I don’t know anymore and then, I’ll learn something and start again, hoping on the way I will find all I need and even some things I want.