Surrender to life

I have been away for a few days, to unwind and step away from the noise in my life. Now, I am back and I have to readjust to the rhythm of every day. Not an easy task to do after tasting a calmer and more relaxed way of life.

Accepting this is my life is a necessary step towards improving it. Change might not happen as fast as I’d want it, but I am confident it will happen just as fast as I need it. Somedays I am not so understanding and I am left with no patience. On those days I can’t stop wishing to be further upon the path I have imagined for myself.

When I’m able to silence the impatient thoughts, I accept that I can only do my best and hope it is enough to make progress.

I don’t know what to say. I thought that visiting some new places will feed my creativity, but I don’t think it worked. I’m sitting here with the same things going through my mind, anxiety, fear, insecurity.

I want to trust what I’m thinking, but it’s difficult to do when for the good thoughts I see no evidence in reality, while the bad ones seem far too real.

Time with the people I care about is important to me, but it’s hard to find. All the responsibilities entrusted to me make it hard for me to enjoy anything, even when I manage to find some time.

I want to change the way things are, but I don’t seem to find an exit from this place I’ve let myself trapped in. All of my attempts to escape have ended in failure, and by now I lack the inspiration and patience to find a new way.

Change is what I’m looking for, but at the same time, it frightens me so much that I’m trying to avoid it. I don’t feel good doing this. It’s like I am fighting myself every step of the way.

I am aware that my current approach is not yielding the expected results, but I know no other way to act. Being uncertain has become painful. Even if I know change is always present, I am not able to always accept it easily.

My current resistance to life is not doing me any good, that is why is necessary to give it up and surrender to what life has in store for me. It will be difficult to trust in what I don’t see, but it’s the only way left for me.